Letting Go of Your Pacifier

Posted on January 16, 2014 by Robert Ringer

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Advice:  Don’t live a life of exclamation points!  By that I mean a life where you are constantly pressing against everyone and everything around you.  People shy away from high pressure, which is why exclamation-point people tend to be crowd busters.

As with so many things in life, I suspect that most people who are in a perpetual press mode tend not to realize it.  Which means it might be worthwhile to do some self-examination.

When you want something from someone — a sale, acceptance of your terms on a deal, a testimonial, obtaining a refund for a defective product or service, or just about anything you can think of — be conscious of the aura you project.

Don’t talk fast … don’t talk loud … don’t make accusations.  In short, don’t come on strong.  Focus on a dignified posture.  Maintain control of your emotions.  Maintain an air of balance and substance, and state your case in a calm, straightforward manner.

Believe — in both your heart and mind — that whatever it is that you’re after is not a life-or-death matter.  Because, in all likelihood, it isn’t.  The emotional you may think so, but the intellectual you knows better.

Hint:  If you’re one of those millions of sports fans who throws things at the television set because of a bad call, cries after your team gets knocked out of the playoffs, or hyperventilates when watching a down-to-the-wire game, you either need to buy yourself a pacifier or reassess what kind of adult you want to project to the world.  Even more important is what kind of adult you want to project to yourself.

A good place to start self-examination is to try to recall how many “life-or-death” matters you’ve survived throughout your life.  Even if something really is a literal life-or-death situation, the more you press, the less likely you are to achieve a favorable outcome if you allow yourself to become too stressed over the matter.

In times of stress, concentrate first on connecting with the Conscious Universal Power Source — the infinite power of the “ether” that surrounds all of us — and keep a list of how many catastrophic situations in your life have turned out just fine.  You’ll be pleasantly surprised at the size of the list you create, which can then serve as a constant reminder to you of just how many “catastrophes” ended up not being all that big a deal.

Even more surprising is how many of those perceived catastrophes ended up actually resulting in something good.  Be humble enough to recognize that you are not omniscient and therefore cannot expect to know precisely how every event will turn out.

When faced with what appears to be bad news, take a deep breath, concentrate on your connection to the unlimited power of the universe, and watch in awe as things work out for the best.

Robert Ringer

+Robert Ringer is an American icon whose unique insights into life have helped millions of readers worldwide. He is also the author of two New York Times #1 bestselling books, both of which have been listed by The New York Times among the 15 best-selling motivational books of all time.

20 responses to “Letting Go of Your Pacifier”

  1. Gene Rutt says:

    I'm working on an article regarding the art of persuasion right now and this piece had some good tips to emphasize some of the points I was making.

  2. Murray Suid says:

    Robert,
    Thanks for this provocative piece. I have a few questions: How exactly can a person tell if news that seems to be bad really isn't bad? Are there some clues or warning signs? I know I've over-reacted or badly reacted on more than one occasion. In hindsight, sure, it's easy to tell. But how about in the moment? Have you ever been fooled by news that seemed to be bad but turned out to be good? And what about times when we think it's good news, only to be crushed when it's not so good?

    • BillN says:

      If you are still alive then it wasn't so bad. (Life allows you to change and grow. Life is an opportunity to learn to manage your personal vibration level to a lower, more peaceful, controled level. I believe all of life/matter/energy is just different levels of vibrations.)

    • Frankie Diaz says:

      Mr. Suid,
      I can only speak of my own experiences. Still, here goes.

      News is neither good nor bad, it's just news. Unexpected, yes. Sometimes unpleasant. Other times pleasant. It all depends on your viewpoint.

      I learned long ago about "memento mori." "This, too, shall pass." The good things die away. The bad ones get buried. Eventually I, too, shall be dust and forgotten. No matter, I think, for that, too, shall pass.

      My first wife died in our bed by my side. I didn't expect that for she was a fierce and wonderful woman. I miss her, yet she had to drop her body; it was sickly it seems.

      My second wife (years later) asked me to leave two days before her birthday. Because I was totally calm (what else was I to do?) she granted me three months to arrange departure. And I did, because it's what she wanted. Did it hurt? Hell, yeah! Yet, she was dear to me and I would do anything she asked.

      So. Acceptance of what's happening is best. Just let it happen. If you have any influence and desire to change the outcome, go ahead. If it is inevitable, accept it and move on. Even Death is acceptance; just a transition. We'll soon find out what's on the other side of it.

      Of course, if you WANT and CAN do something to improve the situation, DO SO. It's better to go down trying than live regretting for what was not tried.

      Hope I helped. Be well! :)

    • Jean says:

      Mark Twain once said, ""I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened." The point here is that how you react to news is what makes it good or bad. People tend to "awfulize" everything, assuming that any news is bad news, building up into an emotional frenzy that causes them to make bad judgement calls and bring about the negative consequences they feared in the first place. News is news – ask a lot of questions and do your own investigation before you jump to the automatic conclusion that the end result will be "bad."

  3. Gary says:

    This is timely advice for me. Keep it all in perspective.

  4. DOL says:

    I LEARNED THIS YEARS AGO BUT I LOVE READING IT PUT SO SUCCINCTLY. I WOULD HAVE GONE UNDER MANY TIMES IF I HAD CONTINUED TO SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.

  5. laleydelexito says:

    Thank you Robert!!!!

    Your writing is very inspiring, let's trust Infinite Intelligence!! =)

  6. Silverback says:

    Very timely for me. Some time this year, I anticipate sitting down to negotiate a 6 or 7 figure settlement. Based on the counter-party's history and form, I expect them to try every thing they can think of to rattle me, make me angry, push my buttons, etc. So every day I coach myself to remain calm and rational while resisting efforts to beat me down. And actually, I think this is a very good demeanor. The first one to lose his temper loses the negotiation.

  7. ROBERT A. MULLEN says:

    Balance is the answer. When I deplored, grieved and struck out because we had filled the most powerful office in the world with the most inept man in the world, I found comfort in knowing that if something happened to him we would be safely in the arms of Joe Biden. Comfort through balance. RAM

    • YoOleMe says:

      IF your last sentence is any attempt at hyperbole; your sense of humor NEEDS serious help!!! … But IF not; rather IT IS your sincere notion of “relief” under the circumstances: You just REPLACED the Kenyan White House Squatter AS “most inept man in the world”!!! … LEST WE FORGET (OR MORE LIKELY, FAIL TO COGNIZE in the first place) the FACT:

      Obama’s innate character traits WERE diligently molded & ARE SO orchestrated for the unmitigated destruction of these united States of America – for which his demonstrated aptitude is DIABOLICALLY SUPREME – notwithstanding the gross lack of Citizen reaction, beyond little more than internet efforts to become tomorrow night’s, “Late Show” script-writers!!! … On the other hand: JUST FORGET ABOUT ANY EFFORTS WITHIN his oath of office to uphold the Constitution; by all appearances’ and lack of actions demonstrating even one iota of American allegiance on his part: Joe Biden would have trouble differentiating S_it from peanut butter – even using a mechanical sniffer!!! …

      Somehow, I fail to see your “Balance,” between a foreign Marxist usurper, on the one hand; and a Home-grown variety, on the other – unless of course Marxism is your favorite form of dementia too?!?

      YES, I’m a serious “Exclamation pointer,” but I CAN assure you (even contrary to RR’s omnibus maxim here), such was exceedingly instrumental in my being able to sit here today, and cite: ZERO Accidents, ZERO Incidents, & ZERO flight violations, within a 13,420 total logged flight hour, World class helicopter-driver career – including 30-months of combat “dodge-bullet” in the U.S. Inc’s `65~`68 S.E. Asian ‘War-Games’!!! …

      Today, the names of 58,272 living souls provide monumental outcry, against those nefarious 1960’s examples of this Joe Biden ilk who CAUSED THOSE NAMES TO BE ON THAT BLACK WALL, yet; NO ONE HEARS IT, NOR MOVES TO INDEMNIFY THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE THAT LIST REPRESENTS, PAID 12,000 miles around the world and ONLY a generation ago!!! Certainly that SACRIFICE wasn’t MADE, to have it to do over again, EVEN HERE AT HOME!

      Albeit: There IS The Almighty, Triune God of the Universe, and He DOES TAKE NAMES & KEEP SCORE, so I’ll defer to His Holy recompense in all of this, and make max effort to keep my name on the right-side of His Ledger. … You (reader) might care to consider that too!!!

      God Speed,
      YoOle Me

  8. Rocky says:

    WHAT MUST BE UNDERSTOOD IS THAT PEOPLE MUST ACTUALLY REALIZE HOW IMPORTANT THEIR ASSETS ARE AND I DON'T NECESSARILY MEAN THE ALMIGHTY DOLLAR!!! WHEN YOUR BACK IS AGAINST THE WALL AND PEOPLE ARE NOT TREATING YOU RIGHT THEN YOU NEED TO SHOUT OUT YOUR GRIEVANCES FOR ALL THE WORLD TO HEAR!!!

  9. Ray K. says:

    I can share an experience that happened to me today, that somewhat reflects this.
    My cell phone died last night, and so today I was off to a dental appointment, and realized that I had
    limited time to get to the mall 10 minutes away, and get to my next appointment. Having not had lunch,
    I decided to walk over to the starbucks across the road and grab a coffee and sandwich, and lo and behold
    there was a branch of the same chain of cellphone store I was going to drive too,
    I patiently waited (or should I say impatiently…) for my turn to be served, and when I was, the gentleman took my phone, solved the problem in 60 secs, and handed it back to me and I was on my way to my next appointment, problem solved and stress free.
    What normally would have happened is that I would have stressed out, rushed over to the mall, missed lunch,
    and scrambled to my next appointment. By stopping for a moment, and being present, other options presented themselves and all was well.
    Thanks for salient reminder Mr. Ringer; I read your books over 30 years ago, as a teenager, and they didn't click then. They certainly do now.
    Needless to say, they do now

  10. Frank roberts says:

    “you either need to buy yourself a pacifier or reassess what kind of adult you want to project to the world” those words hit home…time to look in the mirror.Thank you sir.

  11. Tom H. says:

    Robert,Great article as usual,one minor quibble, can't you just say God,instead of the euphemism? Keep up the good work!

    • imgettingdizzy says:

      I hope not, I like Robert's euphemism better. Remember that your religion is not the only one man has invented, there are many belief systems all with their own names and stories. Do agree that it is a great article though!

      • YoOleMe says:

        Perhaps if you read more closely you’ll discover; Tom said nothing about “religion”. He simply suggested use of the proper title for God – who most-certainly “is not the only one man has invented,” rather: He IS the ONLY ONE BY WHOM Man WAS INVENTED (and woman too, for that matter)! Albeit:

        In that any alternative to such singular, omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent creator God, has to have been conjured up by some man (or woman, for that matter) within his / her august wisdom, whereupon humanity today (these alleged, “millions of years” later) is still trying to make a respectable “scratch” into knowledge of simple substance of God’s creation; it’s so easy to see a most apropos source for your “imgettingdizzy” handle. Any good seafaring man (or woman, for that matter) will tell you: The key to abating sea-sickness (dizziness), is to fix your gaze on an established point of reference to avoid specula-disorientation.

        Doubtless, were I still an Bible non-believer, knowing the continuity extant between the 2000-Y/O Book of Revelation, and today’s World – even building celestial – events; I’d have a very difficult time remaining so void of my faith in it. … Abject ignorance is a personal vice, I find impossible to justify.

        May God Speed, your recovery.

    • Robert Ringer RJR says:

      I often use euphemisms for God keep some from tuning out anything else I say because they get so hysterical over the idea of a personal a God. The only thing about which I am certain is that there is something bigger than you and I and what we can observe.