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SyndicateOn Thinking Before Acting
By Robert Ringer - Friday, April 24, 2009
By Robert Ringer
What a tragedy that Farrah Fawcett not only is suffering from terminal cancer, but that her twenty-four-year-old son, Redmond O’Neal, was arrested for allegedly trying to smuggle drugs into a jail to give to a friend. (How comforting it must be to know that your son has buddies in the slammer.)
Then there’s Sarah Palin’s daughter, who got pregnant by an eighteen-year-old punk who not only backed out of marrying her, but decided it would be real classy to go on national television and tell tales about the Palin family. It had to be orgasmic for any viewer coming from the left … oops, bad word choice … make that, “It had to be exciting for any viewer coming from the left.”
These stories of celebrities’ kids screwing up go on nonstop. And they remind all but the luckiest of parents that one of the not-so-fun aspects of having children is that they all too often don’t take into consideration how the results of their actions might impact their families.
Which brings me to my twenty-year-old son. A few months ago, he was in an automobile accident and nearly totaled both his car and that of the other driver. It was nighttime, and the black car in front of him had run out of gas and come to a stop in the right-hand lane. The driver said he had his emergency lights on, but my son — perhaps due to a momentary lack of concentration — thought the car was moving.
In any event, he looked over his left shoulder to make sure he could switch lanes, and, as he looked forward again, the right front of his car slammed into the left rear of the immobilized black car in front him. Though my son was going under the forty-mile-per-hour speed limit, the impact was great enough to trigger his air bag and spin his car around several times.
Of course, you’re always at fault when you hit a car from behind, but, considering the circumstances (black car … nighttime … the other car out of gas and stopped in the road … and my son driving under the speed limit), it didn’t seem necessary for the police officer to charge him with reckless driving. But that’s what he did.
A reckless driving conviction can bring a very stiff fine, the suspension of one’s driver’s license, and, in extreme cases, jail time. But, thankfully, no one was injured, and the other driver was a sympathetic gentleman who was just happy that his wife and small daughter were okay. He even called our house later that evening to see how my son was doing.
And, as with all negative occurrences in life, a lot of good came out of this one. During a recent conversation I had with my son, he told me that he couldn’t believe how much he had learned from the experience.
When I asked him to elaborate, the first thing he said was that it made him realize how easy it is to have a serious automobile accident. He emphasized how much more careful and alert he intended to be in the future.
Second, he said he had never imagined how involved being in an accident could be — dealing with insurance companies, finding an auto-repair shop certified to do the work, having to come up with the $500 deductible for his share of the $10,000 repair bill, finding an attorney and coming up with the money to pay his fee, going to the DMV to get a copy of his driving record for the attorney, making two court appearances, and, above all, the enormous stress of waiting for both his first and second court dates.
Best of all from my perspective is that he said it made him realize what a major effect his actions could have on others — especially his family. Kids normally learn this simple truth the hard way — over a long period of time. But we adults have no excuse. We should already know that virtually everything we do impacts others, particularly those closest to us.
With the government continuing to disregard the way its irresponsible actions affect our lives, I’m reminded of an old adage: Think before you act; it’s not your money. Unfortunately, that’s not the way politicians’ minds work.
Which is all the more reason why we should think doubly hard about the consequences of our own actions — ahead of time. As I told my son, it’s a heck of a lot easier to avoid a serious mistake than to repair the damage caused by one.
In my article “Learning from Saddam,” I said that it’s a good idea to learn to “look backward from the future.” By that I meant that you should make it a habit to picture the possible consequences of your actions before acting. There’s not a person reading (or writing) this article whose family wouldn’t be better off had he/she always applied that rule.
Of course, your perception of reality is a critical factor in all this. If you delude yourself about the odds and the possible consequences of your actions, looking backward from the future is an exercise in futility.
But having an accurate perception of reality is another subject for another day. Right now, a good start is to just think about the efficacy of the “looking backward from the future” principle — and start teaching it to your children at a young age.
What if your children are already in their teens or early twenties, you ask? Answer: Good luck.
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4 Responses to “On Thinking Before Acting”
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What a tragic thing about Farrah Fawcett-Majors. She was the most dashing female lead on TV during her run on Charlie’s Angels. I am devastated to hear she is terminal with Cancer. As to her son’s screw-up, I am sure she did not wish it, but he is all grown up and probably got into the wrong crowd.
I think Bridget Palin’s ex-fiancee is really just an uncaring slob. He has left his child to struggle with his disregard for its’s Mom, whom he claimed he loved. How wrong is that.
You were right with your note ‘orgasmic’ as I am sure the Katie Couric’s of the media are jumping at the chance to further hurt Sarah. Odd that the Obama was able to say stay away from my family … and they did. Odd, but not unpredictable.
I hope by next election a very different economy is [resented, but I ain’t holding my breath.
My last class in paralegal was a tort class on shared liability and forseeability. Can you think ahead and forsee what might happen if you take a certain action? If there was a chance that you could have forseen the outcome, you are partially at fault!
A percentage of young people that are raised in middle or rich class neighborhoods don’t come to grips with their own mortality until it’s too late— it’s always been this way. If you’re raised in “The Hood”, then you learn the concept of mortality early; however, human nature being what it is, most young people expose themselves to more risk no matter what environment they’re raised in. Danger seems to even be embraced by some, no matter what the environment or how adroit the parenting.
The primary reason I make the distinction between the poor, middle, and rich environments is that even if one knows absolutely nothing about Mr. Ringer, his income, or where he raises his family; it is easy to tell that he is experiencing the normal, everyday, problems of an upper middle-class/wealthy neighborhood. He writes, to a considerable extent, on the subject of school bullying and other such problems which seem to vex a growing number of Americans.
I always enjoy and benefit from Mr. Ringers opinions on the problems of everyday living. I wish him success in being a parent and grandparent.
I tried to inculcate all the facts of life and death into my children from a very early age. I also tried to help them build a personal foundation that would give them both mental and physical abilities that would serve them throughout their entire life. Below are just a few of the controversial rules I made my children live by. At the time, some individuals highly criticized me for these rules as being too cruel, abusive, and extreme. Frankly, my response was, and still is, “the way in which most people raise their children is the reason why we have a country that is in such poor shape mentally, physically, and emotionally.”
A rule to live by: Everyone in this family works seven days a week, just like I do and my father before me and his father before him. ( This does not mean that there is no time for recreation, a vacation, or even a trip around the world.)
A rule to live by: Absolutely no basketball, football, tennis, ping-pong, or other school sports will be participated in as regular extra-curricular activities. No joining the school team.
A rule to live by: A private martial arts school must be attended at least 3 times a week. ( This rule was costly for me as I had to drive my children back and forth to class and competitions for nearly 4 years. Note: this rule totally eliminated the bullying problem before it even started.)
A rule to live by: You must learn how to ride a horse and a tractor by the age of six; a pickup truck by the age of 8. ( I not only made my children learn how to drive, I made them learn how to repair.)
A rule to live by: You must learn how to shoot and care for a firearm.
A rule to live by: You must learn how to raise, kill, preserve, prepare, and eat a farm animal; and also hunt, fish, and trap a wild one.
A rule to live by: You must learn how to grow a garden. ( My children were able to completely run a farm before the age of 16.)
A rule to live by: You must never be caught holding a tool for physical labor(like a hammer or shovel) when you’re supposed to be holding and studying a book.
I didn’t make-up the above rules, I inherited them—and many others like them. They served my family very well through the years, including the last Great Depression.
Before the Great Depression, my family didn’t stockpile gold, silver, stocks, bonds, or any material items. They didn’t have to because they were successful farmers, tradesmen, and businessmen who offered services that were necessities. Some members of my family actually became some of the wealthiest people in upstate New York because they *stockpiled critical knowledge and skills.*
If you want to teach your children something that will truly benefit them, then pull them right out of public school and teach them privately for three hours a day. Have them work the rest of the day as an apprentice with a master of his occupation. Teach them how to drive, shoot, fight, and show them what books to study and ponder over. Arrange for them to spend a summer inside of a working farm or ranch.
Obviously, the above approach to rearing children is mine, and not suitable for everybody—- just as Mr. Ringers approach is not suitable for everybody. Generally speaking, my point is basically the same as Mr. Ringer’s point. “Think before you act” and think before and as you raise your children. Don’t just conform to public standards. Teach your children critical skills.
Rent a copy of The Horse Whisperer, starring Robert Redford. There are some poignant lessons to be learned about raising children in the movie. ( Mr. Redford, whom I’ve met, is totally off the wall in most of his politics, but he does fine work in some movie roles.)
What a system we live in where ruthlessly ambitious, people-hating cops, attorneys, and judges just slam decent citizens with over-baked charges for minor and so freguently victimless “crimes.” Every time someone is charged far beyond the true extent of some violation, it is a slap against freedom and yet another example of corruption and abuse of power which exploits human frailty and accidents like they are “crimes.”
Driving under the speed limit and within the bounds of prevailing conditions is NOT reckless driving, it is abuse of power again gone haywire. Hey, they want our MONEY, they do not serve our needs or interest. They are derelict and guilty of malfeasance, betraying the public trust, millions of times over ever year. I am so GD tired of seat belt – freedom of choice nonsense, pot busts, private poker game busts, “soliciting sex” crap they hammer white males with who simply want to proposition a woman who turns out to be an undercover sting bitch with tinted-glass squad car back up.
Law enforcement and its partner in crime, the justice system in this country are out of control corrupt. When a creep like Spitzer walks, it is over for the good and decent rest of us.