Peace of Mind, Part IV

By Robert Ringer

In Part III of this article, I discussed two important mind techniques for reducing stress: (1) breaking the habit of fretting and stewing about problems that don’t exist, and (2) recognizing that for every negative, there’s an offsetting positive. Continuing with this mental approach in today’s Part IV, I’m going to discuss three more tools that I believe you’ll find to be particularly effective.

Accept the inevitable.

Notwithstanding the Natural Law of Balance, there are some things you simply can’t do anything about. However, it’s important to be able to discern the difference between inevitable and difficult. For example, success can be difficult, but, regardless of one’s circumstances, failure is not inevitable. Accepting the inevitable is not being negative, it’s actually positive. What’s negative is not being able to ignore the inevitable and move on with your life.

As Charles Swindoll put it, “We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. … I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it.”

Accepting the inevitable and focusing on opportunities in your life is virtually guaranteed to lower your stress level.

Refuse to react to the lies and negative remarks disseminated by others.

There is no person on this planet who cannot relate to this issue, especially those who have high public profiles. Can you imagine enduring the hatred, slander, and defamation that people such as Donald Trump, Martha Stewart, George Bush, and Bill Clinton have had to put up with over the years?

I am convinced that what keeps these people going is a powerful capacity to ignore the vile accusations directed at them. Even if they hear something that bothers them, they are usually able to control themselves.

In my early years as an author, I allowed the media to get to me. It seemed as though every other sentence written about me was a total fabrication. When I complained to my attorney, he explained three things to me that had a dramatic impact on how I handled the media fiction machines from that point on.

First, he told me to forget about filing lawsuits. He said that after spending an enormous amount of time and money, I’d still lose … even if I won the case. Why? Because in libel suits, you have to prove damages, which is a near-impossible task.

Second, the more you complain about being defamed or slandered, the more attention you draw to the defamatory or slanderous remarks. When we read or hear something negative about ourselves, we tend to blow it way out of proportion.

On more than one occasion when I mentioned a negative article about myself to someone, that person would respond with something like, “Gee, I read that article, and I thought it was pretty good.” In other words, what I was reading into the article, through my own sensitive eyes, was very different from the interpretation of others who had read the same article.

Third, it makes you appear to be above the fray when you ignore the mudslinging, step back, and let your supporters defend you. I’ve been doing that for years, and it’s always a great feeling when a reader sends me a copy of a letter he sent to a publication, blasting it for something it printed about me that was untrue.

In most cases, those who admire and respect you — especially if they know you well — will defend you when you’re attacked. Just don’t make the naive mistake of expecting everyone to love you, because they won’t. Remember, even Mahatma Gandhi was assassinated.

Intellectualize the reality that life isn’t perfect.

I say intellectualize, because just about everyone claims to understand this reality, but I don’t believe most people take the trouble to analyze what it really means. In The Road Less Traveled, Dr. M. Scott Peck pointed out that one of the most traumatic moments of a child’s life is when he discovers that his parents aren’t perfect.

Likewise, I believe that one of the most traumatic moments of a parent’s life is when he/she discovers that his/her child isn’t perfect. You can reduce your stress many times over by accepting the reality that there is no perfect child, parent, spouse, home, city, or job.

Learn to take life one wave at a time. Focusing on the Natural Law of Balance will bring an abundance of peace and tranquility into your life.

In the fifth and final installment of this article, I’ll be covering the final two mind techniques for reducing stress: (1) not trying to make the world bend to your will, and (2) controlling anger and bitterness. I consider these two components to be absolutely essential to achieving peace of mind.