The Cho Factor, Part VII

Prime Targets

Every school bully leaves a victim. Question: Is it really the bullied kid’s responsibility to suffer quietly? Was that the obligation of the seventh-grade victim described below?

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I was in the 7th grade in a public high school. We are in gym class, and several 7th grade classes take gym together. We finish our gym class and are told to take a shower before the next class. I’m one of the smallest guys in the class, but this day I wouldn’t become the victim, because they choose someone else. Several guys grab this other person, about my size, and place him in the wire cage they keep sports equipment in. He is naked, of course, heading to take his shower. They then proceed to urinate on him in front of the rest of the guys. You don’t even want to know about the laughter. I can’t even imagine the emotional scars that he deals with today. I consider myself lucky that day, but that poor bastard … if I ever heard he picked up a gun and killed those S.O.B.s, I would cheer him on. – E.A.

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It’s hard to imagine that the incident E.A. describes didn’t forever damage the victim’s self-esteem and self-confidence. Perhaps he died at a young age … or maybe he’s just lived a life of misery all these years.

Of course, he might have been one of those kids who had the tools to rise above such humiliation, find a way to repair his bruised and battered ego, and go on to lead a successful, happy adult life. Unlikely … but possible, I guess.

Frankly, however, I’m not interested in whether or not he had the inner strength to get beyond such a sadistic bullying incident. Regardless of his coping “tools,” I believe all the school bullies who participated in that savage attack not only should have been expelled from school, but should have had criminal charges filed against them. Instead, they almost certainly continued on their merry way as part of the “in crowd” throughout their school years – and, to this day, probably still laugh about the incident.

Now, here’s the “X” factor that people are missing when they say it’s the duty of a bullied kid to tough it out and succeed in spite of all the taunting, teasing, and degradation he experiences: What if the victim simply is not equipped to handle the abuse dished out by the student criminals who target him?

What if the child has a condition that makes it all but impossible to fend for himself? What if he has Asperger’s Syndrome (mild autism) or a “nonverbal learning disorder” (NLD)? Or what if he simply has severe emotional problems, as a result of genetics, an abusive home environment, or any one of a number of other causes?

Now hear this: These kids are the prime targets of the student goons (and malevolent teachers) who thrive on subjecting others to pain. Yet, in my considerable experience, no one – including, and especially, so-called educators – seems to give such handicaps a thought.

But the parents of millions of such children – repeat, millions – see the deteriorating results each and every day when their children come home from the torture chamber euphemistically referred to as “school” … depressed, angry, withdrawn, and worse. It is a very sad, very frustrating, and very ugly way of life.

In a perfect world, every child who is bullied would have what it takes to rise above the physical and verbal abuse, humiliation, and loneliness to which they are subjected. But, as one reader put it:

 

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I often see this attitude of, ‘Well, I did it … why can’t others?’ However, we’re not all created the same, and the circumstances of our lives are not the same. I admire people who do overcome difficult obstacles, but often what’s missing is a lack of compassion or empathy for those who can’t. – K.A.

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The coup de grace is that if the bullied child ever gets up the nerve to tell on his tormentor, two things are almost sure to happen.

First, the teacher or administrator handling the matter puts the bully on an even footing with his victim. The attitude is: “Now, boys, how can we work this out?” Which, of course, is preposterous and only emboldens the school bully. In every case of bullying in the history of Planet Earth, everyone knows who the bully is and who the victim is. It’s never a matter of two relatively equal kids needing to “work out their differences.”

The second thing that happens is that the bullied child will immediately be labeled a “snitch” – and snitching, in all schools, is taboo. There is an unwritten rule that you don’t snitch – no matter what someone does to you. If you get urinated on, so be it. But telling on the urinators makes you a scoundrel.

The implication is that it is your moral obligation to keep quiet about it when someone batters and humiliates you. If you snitch, there is no turning back. It makes you a permanent outcast with virtually the entire student body – even though you are the victim.

Unfortunately, school officials are too stupid, lazy, and apathetic to do anything about the nonstop sadistic bullying of students who, for one reason or another, are not equipped to defend themselves – and, in many cases, not equipped to get their lives on track as they grow into adulthood. Little do they realize that they may be helping to create the next Cho, and that he may be paying them a visit in the near future to set some things straight that he’s pretty angry about.

Hopeless situation? Yes, it is – if schools are allowed to continue with business as usual. Drastic situations call for drastic solutions. In Installment VIII, I’ll offer some extreme measures that I think need to be taken if schools are to lessen their chances of producing more Chos – and, even more important, producing more millions of scarred children who are left to quietly suffer.

Previous – Part VI, Quiet Suffering

Next – Part VIII, Our Automaton Psyches